Strengthening the Love of the Christian Family

By Alexander Strauch [1]

“Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters.” 

—Hebrews 13:1 (New Century Version)

Christians are not brothers and sisters merely because they share similar ideas, interests, and circumstances, but because they share “the life of Jesus” (2 Cor. 4:10). They share in this life not by natural birth but by a spiritual birth (John 1:12, 13). Therefore, Christian brotherhood and sisterhood is derived solely from Jesus Christ.

Biblical commentator Philip E. Hughes aptly explains this wonderful doctrine. “Our brotherhood is first with him [Christ] and then and therefore with each other, for it is the brotherhood of the redeemed.” [2] Elaborating on this point, Hughes writes,

The brotherhood enjoyed among Christians derives from Christ himself, first of all by his incarnation through which he became one with us as a fellow human being, and second by our becoming one with him through our experience of the redemption which he has accomplished for us. Christian brotherhood, therefore, is essentially brotherhood in Christ. [3]

The writer of Hebrews boldly declares that Jesus Christ is not the least bit reluctant to call us, who were once vile sinners, His brothers and sisters. “Jesus, who makes people holy, and those who are made holy are from the same family. So he is not ashamed to call them his brothers and sisters” (Heb. 2:11; New Century Version).

No wonder the writer of Hebrews can refer to Christians as “holy brethren” (Heb. 3:1).

Paul teaches that Jesus is “the firstborn among many brethren” (Rom. 8:29). So real is Christ’s brotherly solidarity with all His blood-bought brothers and sisters that He says that whatever is done for one of His brothers and sisters is equally done for Him. “Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of mine, even the least of them, you did it to me” (Matt. 25:40; cf. Matt. 28:10; John 20:17). Conversely, to sin against a brother or sister is to “sin against Christ” (1 Cor. 8:11, 12).

As brothers and sisters, all Christians share the same heavenly Father. We share the same life indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. We share the same name, Christian. We share the same baptism. We share an unbreakable family bond.

Understanding The Christian Family

The reality of our brotherly and sisterly relationship supersaturates the New Testament. Although the New Testament writers used different images to describe the nature of the church—the body, the bride, the temple, the flock—the most frequent is the family, particularly the fraternal aspect of the family, brethren. The first Christians always referred to one another as brother or sister. The terms brethren, brother, or sister occur some 250 times throughout the New Testament, particularly in Paul’s letters. Peter directly refers to Christians as “the brotherhood” (1 Pet. 2:17). (Sadly, by the end of the third century such endearing terminology began to disappear among Christians.)

The reason for this preference for the family aspect of the church is obvious. Only the most intimate of human relationships can begin to express the love, closeness, privileges, and new relationships that exist between God and man, and man and man, because of Christ’s incarnation and death. In many practical ways, the New Testament local church shows itself to be a close-knit family of brothers and sisters:

• The Christians greeted one another with a holy kiss (Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thess. 5:26; 1 Pet. 5:14).
• They shared material possessions (Acts 2:44, 45; 4:32; 11:29; Rom. 12:13, 20; 15:26; 1 Cor. 16:1; 2 Cor. 8; Gal. 2:10; 6:10; Heb. 13:16; James 2:15, 16; 1 John 3:17).
• The early Christians met in homes (Rom. 16:5; 1 Cor. 16:19; Col. 4:15; Philem. 2).
• They ate together (Acts 2:46; 20:11; 1 Cor. 11:20 ff; Jude 12).
• They cared for their widows (Acts 6:1–6; 9:39; 1 Tim. 5:1–16).
• When appropriate, they disciplined their members (1 Cor. 5–6; 2 Cor. 2:1–11; 2 Thess. 3:6–15; 1 Tim. 5:19, 20).
• Brotherliness provided the guiding principle of conduct between members (Rom. 14:15, 21; 1 Cor. 6:8; 8:11–13; 2 Thess. 3:14, 15; Philem. 16; James 4:11).
• They showed hospitality (Acts 16:15; 21:8, 16; Rom. 12:13; 1 Tim. 3:2; 5:9, 10; Heb. 13:2; 1 Peter 4:9; 3 John 5–8).

The first Christians viewed themselves as part of a worldwide brotherhood that transcended all national, racial, and social boundaries. That brotherhood was rooted in their oneness with Christ, the “elder brother” (Rom. 8:29). Furthermore, they knew they were a persecuted minority in an intensely hostile world. Thus their very survival depended on active participation in the family of brothers and sisters. “The little pockets of early Christians survived,” writes C. S. Lewis, “because they cared exclusively for the love of ‘the brethren’ and stopped their ears to the opinion of the Pagan society all round them.” [4] (Read Hebrews 10:23–25; 32–34.) Surely the early Christians would have loved to have sung along with Gloria and Bill Gaither, “I’m so glad I’m a part of the family of God.”

Hospitality, therefore, became one of the most significant, practical expressions of this worldwide family of brothers and sisters, and thus became one of the birthmarks of primitive Christianity. Confirming this same truth, the renowned British church historian and classical scholar, Edwin Hatch (1835–1889), wrote:

For Christianity was, and grew because it was, a great fraternity. The name ‘brother,’ … came to be the ordinary designation by which a Christian addressed his fellow-Christian. It vividly expressed a real fact … A Christian found, wherever he went, in the community of his fellow-Christians a welcome and hospitality. The practice of hospitality was enjoined as the common virtue of all Christians. [5]

So, the unique, worldwide, family nature of the Christian community necessitates the practice of hospitality.

Understanding Christian Love

To understand Christian love, we must look to its divine source—Jesus Christ. Philip E. Hughes reminds us that the source of all Christian activities and relationships is Jesus Christ. “If our brotherhood derives from Christ, so also does our love as brothers. His infinite love for us is the source and stimulus of our love for each other.” [6] In order to communicate the importance of His love, our Lord issued a new commandment during the last few hours He spent with His disciples before His death. “Love one another, even as I have loved you. .. . By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34b, 35).

This new commandment, to love one another with the same ardent, self-giving love as He loved, colors the whole New Testament. The Greek word group for love—ἀγάπη, ἀγαπάω (agapē, agapaō), and the adjective ἀγαπητός (agapētos, beloved)—appears approximately 320 times in the New Testament. Love is to be, as the title of one of Francis Schaeffer’s profoundest books states, The Mark of the Christian. [7]

Paul goes so far as to say that if a Christian could speak with angelic language, or know everything about the Bible and God, or exercise faith greater than George Müller, or give everything away to the poor, or be a missionary martyr, it would all amount to a giant zero if it was not done in love.

If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing (1 Cor. 13:1–3).

Later, while speaking of faith, hope, and love, Paul says that “the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor. 13:13).

Paul also speaks specifically of brotherly love. For example, although the Christians in the city of Thessalonica were excelling in brotherly love, Paul encourages them to “excel still more.” He writes:

Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more (1 Thess. 4:9, 10).

To the Christians in Rome, Paul writes, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love” (Rom. 12:10).

Peter also elevates love as the supreme Christian virtue:. “Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22). He further adds: “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

According to John, the depths of our Christian love should be such that “we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren” (1 John 3:16b). In fact, he says, “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death” (1 John 3:14). Later, John states the underlying reason for these strong statements, “And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also” (1 John 4:21).

Christianity’s teaching on love is unparalleled in the history of religion. One of the key factors that helps explain the rapid expansion of early Christianity is the love displayed among the first Christians. This love did not go unnoticed at the time. The third-century African writer and apologist, Tertullian, tells us that the pagans of his day had to acknowledge the extraordinary love of the Christians. The pagans were forced to say, “ See. .. how they love one another. .. and how ready they are to die for each other.” [8] In an ancient, Latin, Christian dialogue entitled Octavius, the pagan Caecilius criticizes the Christians because “hardly have they met when they love each other. .. . Indiscriminately they call each other brother and sister.” [9]

Contemporary writers have also noted the supreme importance of love to the Christian faith. Summarizing the Christian life, the distinguished Presbyterian theologian B. B. Warfield states, “Self-sacrificing love is thus made the essence of the Christian life.” [10] Reviewing the virtues of power, knowledge, religious experience, doctrinal orthodoxy, and service, John Stott concludes from Galatians 5:22 that “love is the pre-eminent Christian grace.” [11] The famous Bible translator, James Moffatt, adds significantly the point that “no church has any prospect of stability or chance of existence in the sight of God if it neglects brotherly love.” [12]

If you want a soul-thrilling, contemporary lesson of love in the Christian brotherhood, read Charles Colson’s autobiography, Born Again. Colson held the highly distinguished post of Special Counsel to President Richard Nixon from 1969 to 1973. Colson was also a central figure in the infamous Watergate scandal, one of the worst, prolonged scandals in American presidential history. As a result of misconduct in office, Colson was sentenced to a one-to-three-year prison term for obstruction of justice. But ten months before entering prison, he received Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

During his time in prison, the newly converted Colson faced the most trying time of his life. His father, with whom he was very close, died. Word came that the Virginia Supreme Court had revoked his license to practice law. Days later, he received the devastating phone call that his teenage son had been jailed for narcotics possession. His wife, Patty, was sinking emotionally and physically, and he still faced two more years in prison. But his new-found brothers and sisters were praying and working around the clock for his release.

Al Quie, veteran Congressman from Minnesota and one of the most respected men in Washington, discovered an old legal statute that would possibly allow him to serve the remainder of Colson’s term. After praying about the possibility, Quie called Colson to tell him he would ask the President if he could serve the rest of Colson’s jail sentence so that Colson could go home to help his hurting family. Shocked nearly beyond words, Colson protested such personal sacrifice. He could not allow it.

Following Quie’s offer to serve the rest of Colson’s sentence, other willing brothers—all men of high position and reputation in government—offered to do the same thing. This lavish outpouring of love by his Christian brothers revived Colson’s sagging spirit. He writes:

It was almost more than I imagined possible, this love of one man for another. Christ’s love. Al Quie would give up his whole career, Doug Coe would lay down his life, Graham and Harold, too. .. . And this day I knew Him as never before. I’d felt His presence all right, but now I knew His power and love through the deep caring of four men. [13]

These men were living examples of 1 John 3:16. “We ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.”

Hospitality Promotes A Loving Christian Community

We would all agree that love, such as that shown to Colson, should permeate our individual lives as well as the life of the local church. There is nothing in this world like self-sacrificing, genuine, Christian love to encourage, inspire, comfort, and build others up. But how, in practical, down-to-earth terms, do we show more genuine, Christian love and community? One clear answer is hospitality. Yale classical and New Testament scholar, Abraham J. Malherbe, points out that among the first Christians hospitality was not merely a practical consideration but a theological one. “The Christian practice of hospitality was not viewed simply as a means of overcoming a practical problem. Theological statements by different authors in the New Testament show that it was frequently viewed as the concrete expression of Christian love.” [14]

Indeed, the major New Testament exhortations to practice hospitality all appear within the context of brotherly love:

• The Hebrews 13 passage starts with “let love of the brethren continue.” The writer immediately follows his exhortation to brotherly love with the admonition to not neglect hospitality (Heb. 13:1, 2).
• Peter charges his readers to “keep fervent in your love for one another.” The next thing he says is “be hospitable to one another without complaint” (1 Peter 4:8a, 9).
• Paul’s exhortation to pursue hospitality is found within the larger context of brotherly love and Christian relationships (Rom. 12:13).
• Gaius’ hospitality to unknown, itinerant brethren was reported to the church and described as “your love” (3 John 5–8).

Hospitality in the Church Today

I do not think most Christians today understand how essential hospitality is to fanning the flames of love and strengthening the Christian family. Hospitality fleshes out love in a uniquely personal and sacrificial way. Through the ministry of hospitality we share our most prized possessions. We share our family, home, finances, food, privacy, and time. Indeed, we share our very lives. So, hospitality is always costly. Through the ministry of hospitality we provide friendship, acceptance, fellowship, refreshment, comfort, and love in one of the richest and deepest ways possible for humans to understand. Unless we open the doors of our homes to one another, the reality of the local church as a close-knit family of loving brothers and sisters is only another theory.

A cold, unfriendly church is a contradiction to the gospel message. Yet unfriendliness stands out as one of the most common criticisms people have of local churches. [15] It doesn’t take people long to figure out that there is a “churchy” love among Christians that ends at the back door of the sanctuary or in the parking lot. It is a superficial, Sunday-morning kind of love that is unwilling to venture beyond the walls of the church building.

Brotherly love, however, entails intimate relationship, care for one another, knowledge of one another, belonging together, and sharing life together. We cannot know or grow close to our brothers and sisters by meeting for an hour and fifteen minutes a week with a large group in a church sanctuary. The home is the ideal place in which to build relationships and closeness. In most instances we hardly even know one another until we get together in one another’s homes, eat together, and talk with one another across the table. So, when we speak of brotherly love we must also speak of hospitality.

As an example of the high impact that hospitality delivers in communicating love and the family nature of the church, allow me to share a story about a Los Angeles Times writer who visited Christian churches to see how friendly and loving they were. He rated his visiting experiences according to this point system: “The greeters at the door got 2 points. The prepackaged form letter from the pastor got 3 points. The coffee hour got about 5 points. Personal invitations to dinner were about 60 points. Introducing yourself in a cordial, non-threatening way was about 10 points.” [16] The reporter’s rating sheet shows how powerfully hospitality communicates love and concern.

I often hear people say, “Oh, we just don’t know anyone; we can’t make any friends at church.” I have a suggestion that might solve the problem. It comes from a couple who had a hard time feeling as if they belonged in their congregation. Instead of leaving, as so many people do, they decided to invite every person in the church to their home for dinner during the next year. By the end of the year, they knew everyone in the church and had made a number of close friendships!

Starting Point for Hospitality

Perhaps you, like many Christians, want to know what you can do for the Lord or how to use your spiritual gift(s). Your home is the ideal place in which to start serving. You can invite people into your home for prayer. You can reach out to new people at church or in your neighborhood. You can help believers get to know one another better. You can provide lodging for divided families. You can show appreciation to teachers and youth leaders by inviting them into your home. You could be the “home” away from home for singles living on college campuses or serving in the military who may not have eaten a home-cooked meal in weeks or months.

Many people need the ministry of hospitality. There are widows and older people who are lonely. There are deaf people who are consistently neglected. Some of these have no family or friends. You can express Christ’s love to them by inviting them to your table. There are psychologically troubled people who need to know that you are not afraid of them and do not hate them. Your home can become a place of safety and healing for them.

New Christians especially need the loving care and instruction you can provide through your home. I will never forget, as a new Christian, the times I spent around the table with mature Christians talking about the things of God. I learned as much during those Sunday afternoons in Christians’ homes as I did during morning sermons. Around the table, you can communicate God’s truths in a more personalized way than is possible in a large church sanctuary.

Martin Luther proved that the table is a splendid pulpit from which to teach God’s truths and disciple God’s people. Luther and his wife, Katie, became legendary for their open home and liberal hospitality. Of their home, one historian writes, “For the great house was always full to the brim.” [17] Luther’s Table Talk, written by students and guests, is a wonderful testimony to the power of the home in discipling and teaching people.

If you want new Christians to grow, open your home and share your love and knowledge with them. Your home is the best tool you have to enhance loving Christian community. Your local church can become a friendlier, more loving community if you—and others you know—will consistently open your homes to one another.

Notes

1. Emmaus alumnus Alex Strauch lives with his wife and four children in Denver, Colorado. He is the author of Biblical Eldership: An Urgent Call To Restore Biblical Church Leadership and The New Testament Deacon: The Church’s Minister of Mercy. He is a gifted Bible teacher and an elder in Littleton Bible Chapel in Denver. This article is from a forthcoming book on New Testament hospitality.
2. Philip Edgcumbe Hughes, A Commentary on the Epistle to the Hebrews (Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1977), 106.
3. Ibid., 562.
4. C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (New York: A Harvest/HBJ Book, 1960), 114.
5. Edwin Hatch, The Organization of the Early Christian Churches (London: Longmans, Green, and Co., 1901), 44.
6. Philip Hughes, A Commentary on the Epistle to the Hebrews, 562.
7. Francis A. Schaeffer, The Mark of the Christian (Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 1970).
8. Tertullian, “Apology,” in The Fathers of the Church, ed. Joseph Deferrari, trans. Rudolph Arbesmann, Sister Emily Joseph Daly, and Edwin A. Quain (Washington: The Catholic University of America Press, 1950), 39:7.
9. “The Octavius of Marcus Minucius Felix,” in Ancient Christian Writers, eds. Johannes Quasten, Walter J. Burghardt, and Thomas Comerford Lawler, trans. G. W. Clarke (New York: Newman Press, 1974), 9.
10. B. B. Warfield, “The Emotional Life of Our Lord,” in The Person and Work of Christ (Philadelphia: The Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1950), 104.
11. John Stott, “The Unforbidden Fruit,” Christianity Today 36 (Aug. 17, 1992): 34.
12. James Moffatt, Love in the New Testament (London: Hodder and Stoughton, 1929), 244.
13. Charles W. Colson, Born Again (Old Tappan, N.J.: Chosen Books, 1976), 339.
14. Abraham J. Malherbe, Social Aspects of Early Christianity (Baton Rouge, La.: State University Press, 1977), 67.
15. Gene and Nancy Preston, “A Friendly Church is Hard to Find,” Christian Century 108 (January 30, 1991): 102, 103.
16. Thomas S. Gosin II, The Church Without Walls (Pasadena: Hope Pub. House, 1984), 68.
17. Conversations with Luther: Table Talk, trans. and ed. Preserved Smith and Herbert Percival Gallinger, (New Canaan, Conn.: Keat Publishing, Inc., 1979), xii. Also see Martin Luther, “Table Talk,” in Luther’s Works, trans. and ed. Theodore G. Tappert, vol. 54 (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1967).