“Where shall my wondering soul begin?”: A Historical and Theological Analysis

By Brian G. Najapfour [1]

Born on December 18, 1707, in Epworth, England, Charles Wesley grew up in an Anglican family. In 1726, he entered Christ Church College at Oxford University, where he received his BA (1730) and MA (1733). It was here in 1729 that he led the so-called “Holy Club,” a religious organization that promoted piety through a systematic study of the Bible. Yet, at this time, he was not saved.

In 1735, still unconverted, Wesley was ordained priest in the Anglican Church. That same year he and his brother John (1703-1791) journeyed to the newly found colony of Georgia to start a mission work among the Indians. Their mission being unsuccessful compelled them to sail back to England. Despite this failure, however, this mission trip became memorable to the brothers. It was during this period that they met the Moravians, who made a profound impact on them and on their passion for hymns.

On May 21, 1738, while living in England, Charles Wesley experienced evangelical conversion, which he expressed this way: “I now found myself at peace with God, and rejoiced in hope of loving Christ.” [2] Two days after his conversion, he wrote a song which he called “an hymn upon my conversion.” [3] It is generally believed that this conversion hymn, the first of numerous hymns that he wrote, was “Where shall my wondering soul begin?” What follows is a historical and theological analysis of this hymn, the original title of which was “Christ the Friend of Sinners.”

“Where shall my wondering soul begin?” has eight stanzas and each stanza has six lines. [4] The very first line has become the title for the song.

Stanza 1

Where shall my wondering soul begin?
How shall I all to heaven aspire?
A slave redeemed from death and sin,
A brand plucked from eternal fire,
How shall I equal triumphs raise,
Or sing my great Deliverer’s praise?

Amazed by his life-changing experience of redeeming grace, Charles Wesley opens his hymn by asking rhetorically, “Where shall my wondering soul begin? How shall I all to heaven aspire?” The hymnist was so astonished that the most glorious God would redeem a “slave” like him. That Wesley considers himself a slave, the lowest of the low in society, indicates his humility. Like the Apostle Paul, Wesley regards all his achievements as loss. But what really strikes him with wonder is the fact that God has “redeemed” an insignificant person like him from sin and its wages, which is “death” in “eternal fire.” The choice of the word “redeemed” should not surprise us for two reasons: first, the word fits well with the portrayal that Wesley gives of himself as a “slave.” A description used for a slave that has been sold is redeemed rather than saved. Second, the day before Wesley wrote his hymn, he had been meditating on Isaiah 43:1-3. [5] The first of these verses reads, “But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.” His meditation on this passage leads to this conclusion: Wesley wants his singers to know that he is but a worthless slave redeemed by God’s wonderful grace.

To further emphasize his worthlessness before God, Wesley compares himself to a “brand plucked from eternal fire.” He borrows this description from Zechariah 3:2. His use of Bible words or phrases in this hymn and in his ensuing hymns is one of the earmarks of Wesley’s hymnody. In fact, someone has said that “if the Bible were lost, [we] might extract it from Wesley’s hymns. They contain the Bible in solution.” [6] This comment may be exaggerated, but it demonstrates how his hymns are saturated with scriptural language.

Having experienced this undeserved redemption, and pondering ways to express his heartfelt gratitude to the Lord for this, Wesley can only exclaim: “How can I ‘sing my great Deliverer’s praise?’” By implication, the celebrated hymnist is confessing that the best hymns in this world only fall short of expressing his gratefulness for God’s great work of salvation.

Stanza 2

O how shall I the goodness tell,
Father, which Thou to me hast showed?
That I, a child of wrath and hell,
I should be called a child of God,
Should know, should feel my sins forgiven,
Blessed with this antepast of Heaven!

Still thrilled by God’s goodness, Wesley exclaims prayerfully: “O how shall I the goodness tell, Father, which Thou to me hast showed?” This goodness is expounded in the third and fourth lines: that he who was once “a child of wrath and hell” is now by grace “a child of God.” With the use of the personal pronouns (I, my, and me) throughout the verse and the words “know” and “feel” in the fifth line, Wesley is unveiling the experiential nature of the doctrine of adoption; it can be experienced personally. We can know that our sins have been forgiven—that we are now the children of God. The scriptural backdrop for this thought is most likely 1 John 3:1:“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God.”

The stanza ends with an eschatological tone. Our present experience of the doctrine of adoption is just an “antepast” or foretaste of what we will fully enjoy in heaven someday.

Stanza 3

And shall I slight my Father’s love?
Or basely fear His gifts to own?
Unmindful of His favors prove?
Shall I, the hallowed cross to shun,
Refuse His righteousness to impart,
By hiding it within my heart?

The third stanza is filled with rhetorical questions which expect “no” for an answer. The first line teaches us that our proper response to God for His love is praise, anything short of which would be a “slight” upon His love. According to Wesley, as he was composing this hymn, Satan kept discouraging him. The devil knew that he was going to write about the good things that God had done for him in salvation. Opposing his desire to share his conversion story through the song, Satan made him think that his composition would not be for God’s praise but for his pride.

At nine I began an hymn upon my conversion, but was persuaded to break oil, for fear of pride. Mr. Bray coming, encouraged me to proceed in spite of Satan. I prayed Christ to stand by me, and finished the hymn. Upon my afterwards showing it to Mr. Bray, the devil threw in a fiery dart, suggesting, that it was wrong, and I had displeased God. [7]

Possibly Wesley was thinking of this event as he was framing the third stanza of his hymn. He really wanted to “impart” God’s “righteousness”—that is, to make known to others his extravagant gospel experience, but Satan tried to hinder him. Nevertheless, he says in his Journal on the same day in which he devised the hymn, “But God has showed me, he can defend me from it, while speaking for him. In his name therefore, and through his strength, I will perform my vows unto the Lord, of not hiding his righteousness within my heart, if it should ever please him to plant it there.” [8]

Noticeably, the latter part of this quote and the last two lines of stanza three are identical. This adds evidence to the claim that the “hymn upon my conversion” is “Where shall my wondering soul begin?”

Wesley’s covenant to God to announce the good news of salvation to others is striking. With the Holy Spirit’s help, he kept this vow until his death on March 29, 1788.

Stanza 4

No! though the ancient dragon rage,
And call forth all his host to war,
Though earth’s self-righteous sons engage
Them and their god alike I dare;
Jesus, the sinner’s friend, proclaim;
Jesus, to sinners still the same.

In the fourth stanza, Wesley mentions Satan, calling him “the ancient dragon,” a metaphor that John the Beloved often uses to describe Satan in the book of Revelation. Wesley is aware that the devil always tries to hinder sinners from coming to Christ. The “dragon” often whispers in the sinner’s ears: “You are too sinful to come to Jesus.” But in the fifth line, Wesley, challenging Satan and “all his host,” proclaims that Jesus is “the sinner’s friend.” The original title of the hymn, “Christ the Friend of Sinners,” was derived from this line. Then the hymnist concludes the stanza by stressing that this beautiful truth mentioned in the fifth line is unchanging: “Jesus, to sinners still the same.”

Stanza 5

Outcasts of men, to you I call,
Harlots, and publicans, and thieves!
He spreads His arms to embrace you all;
Sinners alone His grace receives;
No need of Him the righteous have;
He came the lost to seek and save.

In the fifth stanza, with profound simplicity, Wesley begins to exhort sinners to come to Christ. Here he is writing as one with authority, calling first those of his time who are socially insignificant, the “outcast,” who may feel too unworthy to come to Jesus. Then, with an evangelistic heart, he proceeds to invite the morally worst people, the “harlots, and publicans, and thieves!” Wesley assures them, regardless of their social or moral status, that Jesus is graciously willing “to embrace” them all. Why? Because it is for this reason that Jesus came—“to seek and save” that which was lost. Obviously, with these words, he has Luke 19:10 in mind, but he might also be thinking of Matthew 9:13:“for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Stanza 6

Come, O my guilty brethren, come,
Groaning beneath your load of sin,
His bleeding heart shall make you room,
His open side shall take you in;
He calls you now, invites you home;
Come, O my guilty brethren, come!

In this stanza, Wesley, with evangelistic zeal, continues to plead to sinners to flee to Jesus. They need to come for forgiveness because they are guilty. Anticipating the possible excuse from those for whom the song is intended that there is no room for them, Wesley tells them metaphorically that Christ’s “bleeding heart shall make [them] room” and that “His open side shall take [them] in.” This metaphor is powerful, for it vividly conveys the message that there is always room for us at the cross. To further persuade his “guilty brethren,” in line five he reminds them that Christ Himself is calling them. This is a reflection upon Matthew 11:28:“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Therefore, no one can say, “I am not invited, and thus I cannot come.” Furthermore, this gospel invitation is urgent—they must come “now.”

Stanza 7

Come, all ye Magdalens in lust,
Ye ruffians fell in murders old;
Repent, and live: despair, and trust:
Jesus for you to death was sold:
Though hell protest, and earth repine,
He died for crimes like yours—and mine.

Most of the descriptions that Wesley has previously given to sinners are usually associated with men. To avoid the impression that the gospel is only given to men, he uses the name “Magdalens.” This name, the plural form of Magdalen or Magdalene, is the appellation of Mary, “out of whom went seven devils” (Luke 8:12). It is also commonly attributed to the unnamed woman in Luke 7:36-50 who is called “a sinner.” However, by using this title, which in the course of time has become synonymous with the term reformed prostitute, Wesley is emphatically getting the attention of women in general, including the notoriously immoral. [9] They too must repent of their sins and “trust” in Jesus for their salvation. Jesus died for them, too. The fact that Jesus died for the wicked makes “hell protest and earth repine.” But the truth of the matter is Jesus “died for crimes like yours—and mine.”

Stanza 8

For you the purple current flowed
In pardons from His wounded side,
Languished for you the eternal God,
For you the Prince of glory died:
Believe, and all your sin’s forgiven;
Only believe, and yours is Heaven!

This verse, the climax of the song, is very Christological. Wesley portrays Jesus as “the eternal God,” and then says in a striking way that this “eternal God” “languished” or suffered. We also find this similar theme in Wesley’s other hymn: “And Can It Be,” in which he bursts out: “Amazing love! How can it be, That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?” Certainly, Wesley is not promoting patripassianism, which teaches that it is God the Father who suffered or died. But then why would he say that God suffered? No doubt he wants to press upon his singers the paradox of atonement and the unique nature of Jesus as God-man. Since the deity and humanity of Jesus Christ are inseparable, what ultimately causes Wesley to wonder is that “the eternal God,” the Lord Jesus Christ, would die for such a sinner like him.

The frequent use of the phrase “for you”—as in line four: “For you the Prince of glory died”—probably reveals the composer’s belief in unlimited atonement, one peculiar doctrine of Methodism, with which Calvinists would not agree. At the same time, for Wesley, Christ’s death will not have any effect if sinners do not believe in Jesus. Thus, he asks them to believe and all their sins will be forgiven. But they might say, “Is faith in Christ enough?” Yes, it is; “Only believe, and yours is Heaven,” declares the Methodist. This is the cardinal Protestant doctrine of justification by faith from which all Wesley’s succeeding hymns flow.

Conclusion

Have you been redeemed by the blood of Christ? If so, does this doctrine of redemption still cause you to be amazed and thank the triune God for redeeming such worthless slaves as you and I are? Do you proclaim this great news of redemption to others who are still children of “wrath and hell”? Where shall our wondering souls begin?

Notes

1. The quote is taken from the first line of the hymn whose title is also: “Where shall my wondering soul begin?” For my biographical sketch of Charles Wesley, I am indebted to J. R. Tyson, “Wesley, Charles,” in Biographical Dictionary of Evangelicals, eds. Timothy Larsen, David Bebbington, and Mark A. Noll (Leicester: InterVarsity Press, 2003), 710-12.
2. The Journal of Charles Wesley (1707-1788), entry date, May 21, 1738; available from http://wesley.nnu.edu/charles-wesley/the-journal-of-charles-wesley-1707-1788/the-journal-of-charles-wesley-may-1-august-31-1738/; Internet; accessed 14 October 2010.
3. The Journal of Charles Wesley (1707-1788), entry date, May 23, 1738; available from ibid.
4. The text for this hymn as cited above is taken from Cyber Hymnal, http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/w/h/wheresha.htm; Internet; accessed 5 July 2011.
5. The Journal of Charles Wesley (1707-1788), entry date, May 22, 1738; available from ibid.
6. Cited in Tyson, “Wesley, Charles,” 711.
7. The Journal of Charles Wesley (1707-1788), entry date, May 23, 1738.
8. The Journal of Charles Wesley (1707-1788), entry date, May 23, 1738.
9. Oxford English Dictionary, 1933, s.v. “Magdalen, Magdalene.”